The Ballad of Smokin' Joe Rudeboy - Tom Cardy.mp3

[00:03.83] Let me tell you a little story
[00:05.95] About a man a long time ago
[00:07.76] He was the quickest draw in the wild west
[00:10.24] By the name of Smokin' Joe
[00:11.79]
[00:12.00] It's Smokin' Joe
[00:13.09] Hit the floor
[00:13.92]
[00:14.36] But he didn't own no six gun
[00:15.90] Lemme tell you what he'd do
[00:16.96] When the varmint rode in to town
[00:18.39] He'd shoot 'em down with a big fat **** you
[00:20.07]
[00:20.15] Smokin' Joe (Smokin' Joe)
[00:22.23] Rudeboy
[00:23.11]
[00:23.22] Lemme make sure I heard you right
[00:24.61] $7.50 for a large soy cappuccino
[00:26.57] Lemme get my wallet
[00:27.64] **** you!
[00:28.23]
[00:28.39] Smokin' Joe (Smokin' Joe)
[00:30.46] Rudeboy
[00:31.36]
[00:31.51] Lemme make sure I heard you right
[00:32.74] Even though I'm not with Amazon
[00:33.93] You're calling me to tell me that
[00:34.92] My profile has been hacked?
[00:35.98] **** you!
[00:36.74]
[00:37.32] And so Joe held the law
[00:38.81] In the town in which he lived
[00:40.30] Yeah only stupid mother****ers
[00:41.87] Would talk shit around Rudeboy
[00:43.34] With his whiplash wrist
[00:44.29] (Gon' get it now)
[00:45.06]
[00:45.23] Leroy "2 Gun" Jenkins thought
[00:47.03] That he could surely win
[00:48.97] But before Leroy could blink
[00:50.41] He was told to sit and spin
[00:51.94] (Why don't you take it for a ride now)
[00:53.08]
[00:53.44] The Mongoose Mountain Gang
[00:55.12] Played dirty with a 20 man crew
[00:57.03] But tales are told that Joe grew
[00:58.88] 18 arms that day as a gift from Vishnu
[01:01.35]
[01:01.71] And as he rose in fame
[01:03.49] Every quickdraw outlaw came
[01:05.24] To the man they heard
[01:06.33] Who's fists would burn
[01:07.29] When he flipped the bird
[01:08.42]
[01:08.98] Smokin' Joe (Smokin' Joe)
[01:10.99] Rudeboy
[01:11.89]
[01:12.03] Lemme make sure I heard you right
[01:13.31] You wanna refund the money
[01:14.31] That I spent in your shop
[01:15.43] With a store credit?
[01:16.20] **** you!
[01:17.01]
[01:17.24] Smokin' Joe (Smokin' Joe)
[01:19.31] Rudeboy
[01:20.13]
[01:20.30] Lemme make sure I heard you right
[01:21.56] Everybody brought a platter
[01:22.66] To my fancy birthday dinner
[01:23.61] But you brought soda water?
[01:24.78] **** you!
[01:25.79]
[01:26.06] He got that name because
[01:27.68] His finger burns hot like the sun
[01:31.23] And leaves you smokin' when he's done
[01:33.84]
[01:34.20] It's just as well that Joe is fast as hell
[01:37.61] Cause in every duel he won
[01:39.40] I'm not sure Joe knew
[01:40.60] That they had a literal gun
[01:42.16]
[01:42.46] I know that they're packing heat
[01:43.94] And I know that they know
[01:44.92] That I'm the man to beat
[01:45.85] But when I step onto the street
[01:46.95] With a jingle in my feet
[01:47.92] They know that I know that
[01:49.02] They know that they can **** themselves
[01:50.07]
[01:50.45] Some say many years ago
[01:51.97] Before Joseph Rudeboy was Smokin' Joe
[01:54.01] He had a wife, her name was Bo
[01:56.06] Bo was with child in a happy home
[01:58.31]
[01:58.50] But into town an outlaw came
[02:00.04] Who wore a velvet cloak like a bloodstain
[02:02.23] Now Bo didn't like Joe usin' no gun
[02:04.13] So Bo told Joe to ****in' run
[02:06.23]
[02:06.57] "You gotta bring back help"
[02:07.99] Run fast Joe fast Joe
[02:10.83] "Lemme stay and fight"
[02:11.83] But Bo said "No guns, you've got to go!"
[02:14.37]
[02:14.60] Joseph Rudeboy was too slow
[02:18.38] For a child that he'd never know
[02:20.40]
[02:22.75] Joseph Rudeboy you're too slow
[02:26.27] Burning inside Joseph died
[02:28.24] But from the ash the man who rose was
[02:30.05]
[02:30.22] Smokin' Joe (Smokin' Joe)
[02:32.45] Rudeboy
[02:33.22]
[02:33.39] He's a human Phoenix
[02:34.24] Yes that's the word
[02:35.19] I heard he was born in a fire
[02:36.80] And rides a pair of flamin' birds
[02:38.05]
[02:38.50] Smokin' Joe (Smokin' Joe)
[02:40.55] Rudeboy
[02:41.22]
[02:41.41] I've heard he's never shot no-one
[02:42.75] But he's still locked up half of the wild west
[02:44.82] Lookin' for a velvet wearing son of a gun
[02:46.79]
[02:47.37] One day an outlaw came to town
[02:49.47] "Come out here Smokin' Joe
[02:50.96] You're just as well already dead"
[02:52.94] He wore a velvet cloak but Joe saw red
[02:55.07]
[02:55.49] And on the street
[02:56.60] The fateful pair did meet
[02:58.81] All the townsfolk came to watch
[03:00.73] When they knew Joe was gonna
[03:02.41] Tell someone to
[03:03.47]
[03:03.59] Their eyes were locked
[03:04.79] What seemed like three eternities
[03:07.21] To Joe the velvet man seemed different
[03:09.43] From how he remembered him to be
[03:11.31] But it was all the same
[03:12.85] To Smokin' Joe who'd been through hell
[03:15.05] He'd dreamt every night the last 18 years
[03:17.47] Of telling this guy to **** himself
[03:19.31]
[03:19.93] But when Joe went to ball his hand
[03:21.93] Into a flamin' fist
[03:23.52] The outlaw shot him first with a
[03:25.20] Middle finger that looked just like his
[03:27.57]
[03:28.18] And as Joe fell
[03:29.36] He beheld the outlaw's face
[03:31.55] A young girl who'd seen it all
[03:33.46] And grew up in a terrible place
[03:35.72] Who's mother once told Joseph
[03:37.74] To run and bring back help
[03:39.89] A girl who thought her father
[03:41.52] Had run out to save himself
[03:43.49]
[03:43.60] Smokin' Joe (Smokin' Joe)
[03:45.67] Rudeboy
[03:46.46]
[03:46.65] Lemme make sure I heard you right
[03:48.03] You been tellin' everybody
[03:48.98] I'm a deadbeat daddy
[03:49.94] Didn't know I tried to save ya?
[03:50.86] (Yeah) **** you daughter!
[03:51.41]
[03:51.85] Smokin' Joe (Smokin' Joe)
[03:53.81] Rudeboy
[03:54.71]
[03:54.87] Lemme make sure I heard you right
[03:56.04] Now I found my father
[03:56.78] And I learned the truth
[03:57.60] We can be reunited
[03:58.64] That's right
[03:59.11] **** you old man!